As Promised: Combat Crab Calls Home for "Morale" Boosting...

Receives Multiple Taskings -- May Go Radio Silent for Remainder of Tour!

The He-Crab (Master of Only the Sombrero-Wearing Universe) called here the other day. Which day I cannot say as all the days are running together.

My friend Shellie in Portland who is battling invasive breast cancer is putting together a fundraising golf tournament to benefit the Komen Foundation and had invited us to attend. It's a few days before Sand Crab has to report to Newport so I counter-offered some interesting, patriotic items only available in Baghdad. Guessing the statue of Saddam's nose is unavailable -- maybe some sand that could have been the boogers of his nose?? Seriously, a coin from Ben's command or a real cap -- not a Strategery Sombrero -- or a flag that has flown over Camp Victory...that type of thing for the silent auction. Honey-Do List Item #1.

During the call, I informed my beloved spouse that I thought I'd be able to cajole housing into replacing our living room and hallway carpeting, which was cheap to begin with and which the carpet-cleaning guys told me 2-years ago wasn't worth cleaning as it was so threadbare and stainful. My strategy is to paint the task as horrible and then backtrack into more do-able tasking territory so I started with "we could have them replace all the carpet in the house". Sadly, the Combat Crab sounded like helping the Iraqi Army overcome its deficiencies was easier than contemplating moving everything out of even just the living room. He sounded surprised that I stated my intention was to await his triumphant return before tackling said project. (I do not have a monopoly on the Big, Painful Sigh, Aunt Trish!) Projected Honey-Do List Item #2.

The final straw occurred when I revealed that I can buy a vehicle with a POA but really don't feel up to renewing his vehicle license with that same POA. Couldn't the Combat Crab print the special military waiver form off the interweb and then complete it, scan copies of his driver's license, deferral card, and ID card and then attach it all to an e-mail for me?? Doesn't that sound WAY easier than another CQ Search-a-thon/Shriekfest?? For me?? Honey-Do List Item #3.

I could see his eyes rolling back into his skull. I could almost feel his hands wringing my "Let's Task the Guy in the Sandbox with Busy Work" neck. I could smell the sweet stream of sweat rolling down the vein popped out of his forehead. My work here is just begun: Pre-Splashdown Sequence Initiated.

I told him "I love you, too." even though there was no such sweet nothing annunciated by the other end of the phone call. No doubt, my BFFs at the NSA listening in were giggling themselves silly.

May not want to check in that Battle Rattle, Sweet Crab. You might need it around the Castle.