holding down the sand castle: September 2008

Monday, September 29, 2008

Lucy pix with Charlie & Lola

Cupcake, Junior.

Sweet Petit Bateau

says "huggable" on her nightie.

Cute outfit with many coordinating accessories

including this cap!

Lucy and paw-pal, Lola...everyone's tongues showing.
(Remember Lola is Baby's Favorite Activity Buddy TM).

Lifting her head for a moment, LLGA tolerates 'tummy time'.

Charlie fascinated by Lucy

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Filling out this gown WAY more than on August 26th (in her "first photo").

Baby Gift referenced in Sand Crab's blog

One of the brass disks constitutes the gift.

(Due to ongoing technical challenges for the He-Crab, I have posted here).

National News

GMK and I were semi-riveted by news coverage of the House of Representatives vote with the split-screen "Big Board".

So I'm thinking the Nextel guys had it right

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=1590969502038856746

and am left wondering whether 435 average citizens might have been better equipped to deal with a crisis.

--------------------

Recommended reading:
http://www.forbes.com/opinions/2008/09/22/libertarian-mortgage-lease-oped-cx_re_0923epstein.html?partner=rcm

Sunday, September 28, 2008

O Ye Easily-Offended, Skip This Post!

Our family has survived one week since the departure of Patty Kiki. (Recognizing that Patty Kiki's family's move was the culmination of many dear friends moving away in the past year). Darrin has also packed up and moved to the Far East (County). But we continue to miss Patty Judy, Patty SW, Patty Susan, among others.

Sand Crab was commissioned (not into the Navy) by me to create a PhotoShop tribute a la garden statuary to Patty Kiki.

But he OUTDID himself with a secondary effort.

(If you Patties want memorializing in stone, glass, or other medium, simply forward the desired photo and Sand Crab can render you!)

"My work here is done."
-Sand Crab

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Recap of the Week

Tim - Other than today's exaggerated reaction to our sitter calling before her 8-hour shift to inform me that she was sick (virus, fever), it was a mellow-for-Tim week. Routine dental appointment yielded that he is clinging to his baby teeth for dear life (and that they will need assistance to let go) AND that he could use more sealants. Did finally -- 121 days after the geneticist ordered labwork -- get his blood drawn. From his hand. Because they couldn't find a good vein elsewhere. Because I was in the hall pushing Lucy and not micromanaging.

Because I am weary, I will leave out the crabby-pants interaction that I enjoyed at the Hospital Main Lab wherein, after Tim, Lucy and I waited 45 minutes to be called up to even check-in, the unfortunate lab clerk tried to tell me that the lab order expired at Day 120. Not sure what of the tirade that came FLYING out of my mouth actually encouraged the staff to stick him anyway, but it's done...stay tuned (3 weeks from now) when we find out whether we learn anything from the effort. Guess I wasn't THAT weary as this became its own paragraph!

Jack - Week of Teeth.
Monday routine dental appt with new Ped-O at Naval Hospital.
Wednesday fillings galore (same location).
Friday massive appliance placement (top and bottom).
Jack has discovered that pizza is out and soup is IN. Tomato for dinner last night and, shudder, Top Ramen for breakfast this morning.

Jamie - My kingdom for Word Study! He thought that his Scholastic book order would arrive in time to use for this week's book report. (pah!) He thought that his yellow homework folder was not bound by that tricky space/time dimension and that leaving it at school would not impede completing this weekend. Had a routine dental appointment with so much tartar (ICK!) that he has to come back to finish the cleaning. Honest and for true.

Charlie - Another good week in no-kindergarten. Except for the head injury during APE whereupon he bonked his head while using the trampoline. Except for the slight cycling-up that I had to have to convey that ANY incident involving his noggin warrants a phone call to me. Except for some mildly disagreeable words with the APE teacher later about whether ANY children receive APE as 1-1 and whether she should have called me about his fall and whether she should treat him if SHE has a HIGH FEVER (NO, thank you). Except for Friday's cluster**** wherein I called when C wasn't home on the bus on time only to learn the bus had left him and he was just standing outside with his aide waiting for ???? Inspiring confidence at people's ability to 1. tell time and 2. identify large, brightly-colored mass pupil transport vehicles. Geez!

Lucy - Sleeps during the day. Eats and poos all night. Patty Grace has suggested, not BabyWise, but FLASHCARDS. Her hair is lightening as her noggin grows larger. Loves bathtime, especially the shampooing. Started cooing a little today.

Grandma Mary Kay - Highlight of her week was, no doubt, booking her ticket H.O.M.E. (well, for 6 weeks of reprieve). She was grinning for about 3 solid hours when she realized that she didn't have to spend any day in November in San Diego.

Crabbiest Queen - Clinging to sanity overnight by DVD viewing. Almost caught up on Desperate Housewives and Arrested Development and am now embarking on Dirty, Sexy Money, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and Life. Very sad commentary on the number of hours I stare at the TV set between 10 p.m. and 5 a.m.
Big excitement was buying Halloween costumes (below) for Lucy's 2008, 2009, and 2010 trick-or-treating as Old Navy's costumes hit fire sale-status. Such a good deal that if she just uses them as dress-up, still worth it.

(Yes, that IS a pink poodle...I may call her "Lola, Baby's Favorite Activity Buddy").

Friday, September 26, 2008

Jack receives his Tenderfoot Badge

Sunday, September 21st.
I am awaiting my mother's pin and my smooch.
(Our troop requires the boy to kiss his mama; Jack's first effort was booed by those assembled. Yes, I was horrified and surely, the baby was crying in the back while we waited for Jack).

Thanks to Patty Caroline for snapping this on her phone and thanks to APC for her tech-assist to get the photo from my phone to this blog.

Overheard in the Castle...via answering machine

Awesome news:
The Mother of the Sand Crab is coming in to assist for a few weeks. I am blessed to have a deep bench of family who are unafraid of 4 competitive auditioners for the lead role in Ransom of Red Chief.

Mother of Sand Crab had this richly-phrased comment:

"I want to come help. Besides, I am passionate about Fabuloso."

These words echoing in a nanosecond of silence incited a great whooping sound (and applause) within the house. (Specifically, originating from GMK who fights the smell of urine on a daily basis in the 4-boy bathroom and me, who whines about whether GMK realizes that Fabuloso is a concentrate and should be used in a diluted form. GMK apparently believes that full-strength is the only way to overpower the concerted collection of smells in that bathroom). I was particularly happy that Mother of Sand Crab had been following the blog.

I also happen to know that Mother of Sand Crab is equally passionate about vacuums, dishwashers, and a visible laundry room floor. And she is able to silence a sassy middle-school back-talker in one sentence or less.

Competing to be "The Most-Photographed Baby"

My fellow Americans...

Sweetest slumber.

Awakening to the paparazzi.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Milestone: First Smile

Go Northwestern Go purple sleeper.

Staying with the purple theme, Lucy models a Gymboree outfit on a fresh-from-the-dryer quilt.

GMK cannot claim these smiles to be merely "gas"!

Consumer Reporting: Shampoo

Given Sand Crab's recent ramblings -- er, rants -- about personal hygiene products, I thought I'd add my two-cents. (More accurately, my $7.98 plus tax).

During her recent visit, Aunt Patty Cake selected some cheap-and-cheerful (and allegedly color-protecting) shampoo and conditioner (and stuck it in my shopping cart to finance): "Color Me Happy" by Herbal Essences.

Figuring I could benefit from the supposed color-enhancing product and lured by the clever marketing of a buoyant pink bottle with a pick-me-upper name, I've used according to the manufacturer's instructions. (In reality, I paid for these products and they were sitting in my shower so I dutifully and frugally partook).

***Am I the only one who flashes on the 1980's "Gee Your Hair Smells Terrific" shampoo line??

Brilliant marketing in Seventeen magazine c. 1986 but not so brilliant sales results shuffled this product, manufactured by Jergens if memory serves, off to the Philippines.

Hence, I'm here with a cautionary tale:
Happy hair is not necessarily in the brunette family. Fellow consumers, do not be deceived by perky bottles in fashion colors. Not that any of you are gray, I warn you: do not succumb to the beyond-gleeful $3.99 price point.

Thinking Color Me Happy (TM) may be available in Manila soon. Or, at the very least, stocked at the PX where the Sand Crab frequents.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Equal Opportunity Video Recording..

Charlie wins a Spelling Bee!

(Try not to be distracted by the chaotic background).

Having always wanted to be a court reporter, first Charlie says hi to Dad.
Then he tries to squirm out of spelling "excavator" before spelling the word
P-E-R-F-E-C-T-L-Y.

I ask him what is his favorite cartoon character (digging -- get it? a little excavator humor -- for his rendition of beep-beep-zip-bang Roadrunner) but am informed "There goes the bus" and the video cuts off when he substitutes "There goes the bulldozer".

4-week-old pix of Lucy

To see a larger version of any photo, simply click on the photo.

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Wishing Patty Kiki's Family Fair Winds and Orderly Passengers

back: Jack, Luke, Sam, Gabe, Jamie, Joseph
and front: Kai and Daniel

As a parting gift to the cul-de-sac, the Melin boys presented fabuloso mini-marshmallow shooters to all the boys...fortunately, Patty Jenny-Across-the-Street and hubby Pat Ken figured out that cornstarch (prodigious quantities) tossed over mini-marshmallows minimizes the misfire/equipment malfunction. It's good to live in military housing, ain't it? (Unless your kids aren't in the gang in which case I'm guessing mini-marshmallows on your roof, in your bushes, on your driveway, and along your sidewalk may wear a little thin...or sticky!)

Departure day was high noon. Well, more like high-one o' clock, because even Captain M---n, Patty Kiki's hubby felt his driving would benefit by some cake before leaving.

Aunt Kathryn with Marylu

Charlie-boy with Patty Kiki

Saying farewell to the "Tim-Whisperer"

Boo-hoo. Jack, ever aiming for idiot-like humor (and a bit distressed by his mom's postpartum-enhanced tear-fest), chased the silver van down Chalcedony.

The Captain and Joe absorb some last San Diego lawn.

I, for one, think those geniuses at Nintendo deserve a Nobel Peace Prize because those, to quote a Patty: "devil's instruments" (aka, Nintendo DS), will buy them vast expanses of peace and quiet.

Lucy: Just shy of 4-weeks of age and whammo! Baby Acne!

Here's some new photos...apologies for the multitude of shots but this is the next best thing for the Sand Crab to experience LLGA's infancy.

Yes, sweetie, it is tragic to have this affliction with no notice.

Cute little dress with energetic newborn.

Welcome, Newcomers.

The "Sand Gloss" glossary below identifies the cast of characters and may assist in following the antics described herein.

This blog initially began as a "Deployment Journal" -- a way to keep our far-flung family and friends updated about our brood and as a companion to my hubby's own deployment mass-communication.

It has since evolved into more photographic journalism with the birth of Lucy. The "castle" is best understood in chronological order.

"Followers" are most encouraged. (That means you, Patty Grace/Kiki/Triplets!) All, please feel free to contribute; I welcome comments as they are usually wittier and more urbane than my posts.

Sand "Gloss"

Gloss = slang for glossary. I am providing this handy-dandy decoder for those of you who have indicated a need to be educated. I will add to this gloss as questions are forwarded or as new gloss is manufactured.

APC = Aunt Patty Cake. The Queen's younger sister. Technically, we should probably refer to her as "Princess Patty Cake." Definitely in the running for AOTY (Aunt of the Year) nationwide. (For further background information, please see "Patty" entry below).

Ass power = Ass power can be defined as the most powerful form of inertia. It can help you survive a tough class, an ignorant person, or another "worst-case scenario". I suppose you could call it "perseverance" but that's so close to the word "perseverative" and, besides, it's just more fun to incorporate the word "ass" into everyday speech.

"Audacity of Awesomeness" = The title of Sand Crab's fictional work of non-fiction, as coined by Pat Eric. Suggested as an entree to meeting visiting dignitaries (i.e., Senator Obama). Specific usage, "Have you read MY book, The Audacity of Awesomeness?" Meant to suggest that Sand Crab is not only possessing of awesomeness but also that he has audacious amounts of this quality.

A-word = Autism spectrum disorders, any and all, including Pervasive Developmental Disorder, PDD/NOS (not otherwise specified), Autism, Asperger Syndrome, and anything else the DSM creates to describe difficulty with social relatedness, language and acquisition of adaptive skills. Hate the game, not the player.

Big-Boy Briefs = Male equivalent of "Big-Girl Panties" (below).

Big-Girl Panties = Being an adult. Summoning one's at-risk maturity to do something unpleasant, to brave adversity, or even to speak to someone who potentially ruined a career of someone near-and-dear. No actual costume change required as fictional undergarments are implied.

BFF = Best Friends Forever. Clearly, there is sarcasm intended when I suggest that NSA (National Security Agency) analysts, who I am certain listen in on some of the Combat Crab-to-Crab Queen rants, er, calls, are my BFFs.

Big Sled Dog = Eldest crablet.

Cake = Besides being APC's surname (and wouldn't THAT be enough of an honor), in the Crab Queen's opinion, this is Nature's Most Nearly Perfect Food. Hence, worthy (and disasterous) cakes are occasionally inserted in this blog to remind readers of the benefits of a high-frosting diet and the art form that a good cake can offer.

Cake-eyes = Wide-eyed, wildly-euphoric expression. Positively correlated to the presence of a store-bought cake. Believed to be a dominant gene passed along the maternal family line.

Cake vultures = Plural. Persons who happen upon a tasty, frosted baked good and suddenly transform into a well-behaved, eager potential cake-eater. Alas, this behavior often expires with the disappearance of the serving of cake.

Chore = Expected task that crablets will perform in exchange for food, shelter, clothing, transportation, education, extracurricular activities, healthcare, and occasionally candy or sugar-based sodas. Further reinforcement in the article of electronic entertainment, unusual reward, or financial compensation is excluded.

Combat Crab = A nifty reference for Ben. It avoids the need to attribute rank; however, he will cease to be called "Combat Crab" when he turns in his "Battle-Rattle."

Commander Crab = Navy rank equivalent to Lieutenant Colonel Crab. With the trading in of a thin stripe for a thicker one (and coloration change of collar insignia) effective 9/8/08, Pa Crab is no longer Major or Lieutenant Commander Crab. Basically, here in the Castle, we like to have as many possible pseudonyms in play at any one time as possible.

Countdown = See also "Splashdown". Definition #1: To look forward with gleeful anticipation to reunification of Familia Crab. Definition #2: To realistically plan for homecoming by gently, systematically reminding Returning Crab of CQ's fiscally-liberal spending habits and crabby nature; Big Sled Dog's disinclination to Respect the Drywall; J Crab, Sr.'s sheer flakiness; J Crab, Jr's propensity for All Behaviors Surly; Charlie's skills in age-equivalencies; and LLGA's distrust of all adult males.

Crabiot = A crablet acting like an idiot. And by idiot, I mean acting like he's neither met a behavior plan nor remembered the reinforcer (e.g., Wii) he'll be forfeiting.

Crablet = Offspring of Sand Crab & the Missus. Often used in the plural because, as Sand Crab often notes, QUANTITY has a QUALITY all its own!

Crab Queen = Mrs. Crab (me).

The 'Der = (Der) Weinerschnitzel. A fast-food establishment that serves cheap n' cheerful hot-dog-centric fare. The staff of no fewer than TWO locations know me by my order (chili fries with NO CHEESE and a medium Pepsi), which LLGA apparently considers in utero soulfood.

Dumb-ass Doughnuts = Not just for breakfast anymore, these baked goodies are a close culinary cousin and frequent accompaniment to "Jack-ass Juice". Ingestion of said doughnuts grants ingestor the propensity to say dumb things and do dumb things. Example: Remove mandatory spectacles from bridge of nose whilst still under the visual surveillance of one's grandmother and resident "hall monitor!".

Fabuloso (TM) = 1. Trademark-protected, lavender-scented, cleaning product concentrate. 2. GMK's leading weapon in the War Against the "Kids' Bathroom Smells Like Urine", which overwhelms anyone with a functional olfactory system. (As in the "fabulous cleaning product" is WAY more intense than the lingering parfum of Eau des Enfants). 3. Prospective name for LLGA if Sand Crab doesn't rally since the trademark only applies to products for sale, not babies. 4. A basic catch-all reference, intended to imply a "fix" for whatever ails you -- commensurate with Windex (TM) from My Big Fat Greek Wedding in the hands of the father.

GMK = 1. Acronym for Grandma Mary Kay. 2. She Who Has Temporarily but For a Prolonged Period Forfeited a Lifestyle of Carefree Retirement to Slavishly Ply the Boys' Bathroom with Copious Amounts of "Fabuloso" Cleaner, Make Near-Daily Jaunts to Von's Grocery, and Ensure that Any Morsel of Uneaten Food is Lovingly Packaged in Foil or Baggies and Saved in the Back of the Refrigerator for Posterity. All This While Sleeping on a (High-Quality) Leather Sofa Since the Luxurious Raised Queen Aerobed Remains Unshipped By Amazon Despite Its Early July Order Date. 3. Woman Desperately Deserving of a Blog Pseudonym. (Nominations Being Accepted).

Great Pottery Barn Kids (TM) Stocking Debacle (heretofore known as, GPBKSD) = 1. Severe disappointment made worse by the anticipation of a UPS delivery. 2. A promise delivered only in portions...portions guaranteed to drive "Whole Sets Only" Crab Queen into conniptions. 3. Evidence that there's almost always a solution to be found ... just not necessarily able to be produced by someone at a 1-800 phone number. 4. A reason to cry in front of one's mother-in-law. YIKES.

IA = Individual Augmentee, or why Sand Crab is playing Army guy in the sandbox.

IEP = Individualized Educational Program. What the District promises to provide each special education student, under federal law (called the IDEA), will be provided in order for the student to receive a FAPE (free appropriate public education). Entails lots of paper, meetings, and heartburn.

Jack-Ass Juice = What crablets and their pals drink that incites acts of pure stupidity. Something other than genetics or poor child-rearing to explain inane behavior, opinion, or statement exuding from one's offspring. Credit to Patty Grace's Great-Uncle?

J-Crabs = The duo of Jack and Jamie.

LLGA = Lovely Little Girl A--------n. Kudos to Patty Lisa NYC for the acronym that is infinitely speedier to type than the alternative: "inbound and much-heralded female crablet currently still in utero." Kudos to Patty SW for the real down-low: The Little Baby with the Unpronounceable Name.

Major Crab = Yet another pseudonym for our hero, the Sand Crab. Not intended to suggest that he has transferred into the US Army, as he remains a Naval officer.

MOTY = Mother of the Year. A fictitious competition which awards prizes to mothers who, among other criteria:
pick spending time with their offspring on Mother's Day to running to the mall or spa;
enjoy cooking meals for their picky-eater offspring, kneading, mixing, cutting, and generally slaving away with love and good humor;
volunteer endless hours with teachers who do not call the maternal one a b-word in the teacher's lounge;
drive the vanpool and never-never use questionable language or indirect threats toward passengers under the age of majority;
iron their children's clothing for other than special occasions;
tie their children's shoelaces without commenting, "aren't you old enough to have figured this skill out by now?";
have dollar-bills at the ready awaiting last-minute lunch account emergencies, school library fines, and the ice cream truck music from the street outside;
never-ever miss a dose of medicine;
never-ever forget an appointment;
refrain from semi-apoplectic hollering when Sweet Offspring neglect to plan ahead for a massive school project;
have a supply of poster board, tri-fold display boards, glue sticks, markers, colored pencils, scallopped bulletin board edging, and an at-the-ready, brand-new color cartridge just aching to be used to print out internet images and articles;
at all times have healthful snacks available (whether at the park, in the car, in the lunchbox, or in the kitchen) and plentiful choices of same;
tend to their ill children with love and constant surveillance (rather than handing the child a stockpot and getting other things done);
read to their obedient offspring each night with patience and enjoyment;
limit their progeny to one TV show or DVD per week;
firmly but lovingly implement a consistent disciplinary program including taking away that single opportunity at the electronic babysitter (TV) when required;
and
never once has said, "You're lucky to have a house to live in with a family like us!"

Mouse-piss = GMK's husband's euphemism for the omnipresent-in-the-Castle 32-oz. bottles of Target-brand (TM) hand sanitizer.

Nguyen = Certifiably crazy parking troll; verbal altercation was topic of posting c. May 27th.

OOO = Out of Order. Meaning my blog posting. Occasionally, the behavior of the characters therein.

Pat ____ = Characters of the male persuasion that make more than one appearance in this blog and that I find easier to nickname than to describe. (Exceptions: Darrin, because to nickname him would dilute the power of his given name; Pate, because he's worn an Easter Bunny costume in the name of A------n children joy; and Patrick, because, Pat Pat just sounds wrong).

Patty ____ = Female characters that make somewhat routine appearances in this blog. See definition of Pat. (Example: Aunt Patty Cake, who is indeed an aunt to crablets).

PITA = Acronym for "Pain in the Arse". Probably should've been PITS (pain in the shell) but I wasn't clever enough. Besides, Pita rhymes with Rita!

Plague = Just what it sounds like. Any curse, infestation, illness, misfortune, significant inconvenience, malady, et cetera that afflicts the Family Crab courtesy of the lightning rod of bad luck affixed to our roof OR the cold, hard fact that Sand Crab's real name is Job.

POA = Power Of Attorney. That document that sets me apart from just a wife ... changing me into COMNAVWIFEPAC, a woman able to leap small buildings, tackle medium problems, and buy BIG ticket items (vans, houses, LAND).

Potato/Spud/Tuber = Reference to the World's Dumbest Sex Ed (oh, I mean "Family Life") Project in which Jack had to carry around a 'tater in a shoe box for weeks.

Roundinia = A mystical, magical land where one's social status is positively correlated to the apple-ness of one's cheeks. In short, a place where Lucy is the ruler of all she surveys and her bidding is done, spit-spot, in order to elicit a grin.

Sand = Except when used with "box" and "castle", a place-holding word for any one of numerous expletives. After all, this is a Family Blog. Usage includes: singular or plural noun, verb, adjective, and even adverb. Often used with hyphens to convey extra-gritty adventures.

Sandbox = Iraq or surrounding desert lands, unless reference to Charlie is made and then please assume that he is in a pile of sand right here in So-Cal.

Sand Castle = Our quarters here in military family housing or the place we call home.

Splashdown = Return/Reunion/Homecoming after protracted absence. Significant features include: * Non-deployed spouse will not have evolved into a supermodel, much to the disappointment of deployed spouse; * Exaggerated expectations of the loveliness of one's family members; * Myopic memories of the helpfulness of one's deployed spouse; * Suppressed recollection of how noisy, visually-chaotic and smelly the crablets are; * Development of an overly-ambitious "honey-do" List; * Overwhelming pile of deployment-smelling, all-one-color laundry that will need a home; *Realization that encroachment of closet space and drawers has occurred; * Outward conveyances of both frustration at the encroachment and reversal of encroachment; * Tendency for returning spouse to want to revisit financial decisions (or conduct a casual audit of statements) that can only End Badly; * Overeagerness on part of returning spouse to hook up a Big Orange Chute to the house and offload what has been packratted by non-deploying spouse; and *Reluctance on part of non-deploying spouse to part with packratted items. See also: Countdown.

Therapies = OT is Occupational Therapy; PT is Physical Therapy; SLP is Speech Therapy; ABA is Applied Behavior Analysis (good luck understanding that one); and DTT is Discrete Trial Training (ditto).

Therapists (not defined above) = AT is Assistive Technology; and APE is Adaptive Physical Education (or spec ed PE).

UNSAT = Navy-ese (or perhaps Military-ese) for the word "unsatisfactory." The word is not intended to be uttered, but spat from one's cake-hole. Since you cannot really spit a multi-syllabic word like "un-sat-is-fac-tor-y", it is "Un-SAT". Rhymes with "SPAT". Try it. You'll adopt it into your everyday lexicon in no time flat. (If on the receiving end, take a step back or face the incoming salvo of spittle).

"Virtual Jamie" = Akin to Jack's "mini-me" (aka, Spud), this character entered the Castle on 2/24/09. He is both a virtual buddy AND a potential weapon as he has a long wooden stick extending downward from his grape. But, as an improvement on the actual Jamie, our "Virtual Jamie" doesn't back-talk or scowl -- as a pert smile permanently graces his face. (Sadly, "Virtual Jamie" is not much at putting away laundry or picking up toys...and doesn't have much of a Little League future ahead of him). But he's cheap, cheerful and brings our offspring to an even half-dozen...so he stays until he splinters.

Wal-Mart (TM) Moment = Represents the most-public of "told-you-so" moments. Let's say that you get into a verbal banter with one's spouse or immediate family member. Let's say that the spouse or immediate family member has taken a position that is so ridiculous or patently false that it causes beyond normal levels of consternation and cannot be let go without providing hard, irrefutable evidence that, for lack of better description: "I'm right, s/he's wrong." So to provide indemnification for the slighted party (i.e., the one who was right and had to endure massive annoyance over the other party being STOOPID), the K------a family has arrived at a (as-yet theoretical) fix: The Wal-Mart (TM) Moment. Now for the "How-to" part of the definition...First, family piles into various vehicles with destination of Wal-Mart (TM)'s parking lot.
Second, family spreads out throughout lot to notify the loiterers and other lingering greater public that there is about to be a give-away of Copenhagen (or Skoal) chewing tobacco (and provides the coordinates of the proved-correct and proved-wrong parties). Third, once a reasonable crowd of chew-longing persons has assembled, the right party (again, theoretically) would have his/her hiney kissed by the wrong party. Fourth, as additional justice, everyone points at the wrong party and says the whole Copenhagen Stunt was his/her idea and they face an aggrieved throng of deprived nicotine-cravers. The issue of whether a winter-on-the-frozen-tundra Wal-Mart (TM) moment is equitable was decided that while the spectators are somewhat less enthusiastic and numerous, the wind chill factor compensates. In winter conditions, (again theoretically), the wrong party is required to drop trou and the right party remains bundled in umpteen layers.

Wii = Electronic gaming system, manufactured by Nintendo, with various games and accessories available. Retails at $350 or so, depending on where you can actually find it in stock. Essentially, the procurement of said item would be a J-Crabs' Dream-Come-True and, thus, will not. (Amended definition: Purchased for $250 by one S. Claus. The Dream-Came-True but is frequently in Time-Out).

Care Packages for Sand Crab?

Please note NEW address again (effective 10/2008):

CDR Ben A--------n
HQs, MNF-I CJ5
APO AE 09342

Did you know?

USPS offers a package of free packing materials, including 10 boxes, 10 customs forms with envelopes, 10 "Mili-Pac" shipping envelopes, which are specially printed to reflect the complexities of military mailing addresses, and a roll of Priority Mail tape.

To order the special kit, call (800) 610-8734 and request Care Kit 4. The Postal Service will ship it by Priority Mail, with delivery generally within a couple of days.

Although the packing materials are free, shippers must still pay normal postage costs.