And if it's Sunday, it must be IKEA and Lowe's.

Aunt Patty Cake and I, emboldened by another 8-hour weekend shift by our sitter, decided the time had come, the time was now for Household Improvements.

Mission One: Tim's bedroom. The boxspring and mattress we received from Ben's folks upon the occasion of our marriage had expired. Besides that, it looked a bit pathetic that his boxspring and mattress were just sitting on the floor.

Upon entering IKEA, and taking a moment to absorb the euphoria that is a well-air-conditioned space, we wandered through the maze to Bedrooms. The first option we entertained ended up being the selection. As a special bonus, the headboard has some metal rods interspersed through several wood slats, so the days of head-banging in bed achieving holes in the drywall are o-v-e-r ... that is, unless Tim becomes particularly creative. Being amazingly creative ourownselves, we found chair cushions that we have suspended to the top part of the headboard to provide a bit more protection (you decide whether it was intended to cushion Tim's head or spare the drywall). For those who haven't perused an IKEA, it is an impulse-buy paradise. To wit: a pink soft-sided cooler, suitable for Padres games; a 4-pack of pink ice packs for aforementioned cooler; and a beach mat with pink trim.

Mission Two: Outdoor furniture. The adirondack pieces Ben and I bought off the back of a truck c. 1995 for $175 (including a picnic table, 2 armchairs, 1 loveseat-size bench, and 2 benches) have deteriorated such that they are now snagging clothing and require seated, sustained feats of balance to stay in place. The picnic table expired last fall. At least one chair is now with the garbage, awaiting pick-up. The "love" bench is questionable. Only the picnic-style benches survive to continue their service to my Cub Scout den. Aunt Patty Cake encouraged replacement with four (4) sling-seat chairs @ less-than-$20 per chair.

For another $20, we added a petite table for drink-holding ... for whatever purpose is there for outdoor seating if not sipping refreshing beverages?! (While we were in Lowe's, the Consummate Consumer also purchased a replacement flag bracket & flag pole).

Mission Three: Laundry room. While at IKEA, we spied a compact clothesrack. So, GONE is the monstrous rack w/ hampers that have been sagging AND impeding my access to the dryer (especially problematic as my girth has surged).


Three hours after our return, APC had assembled (or removed the onerous volume of packaging) from the patio furniture. I assembled 80% of the new bed before requiring technical assistance from, first Jack. Then, APC entered the fray (upon hearing my "Lord, love a duck!" hollering at Jack's inability to stabilize sufficiently). We then enlisted Jamie, who was quickly fired. Then, Patty Kiki entered, with her Margarita Bag stocked. Seeing the state of our assembly, she volunteered Pat George, her next-door neighbor and closest XY-chromosome-bearing neighbor that was awake and handy with tools.

So, Patty Kiki ferries P.G. down. P.G. agrees, after several attempts, with our assessment that there is an inherent flaw with the particular corner causing us distress. Our sitter quietly observes that the "Swedes are laughing at us." After determining that either Mr. Sand Crab doesn't have -- or more accurately, that Mrs. Sand Crab cannot easily locate -- the correct tools and hardware for the work-around, P.G. goes home and returns with additional parts. Beckoning sainthood (or maybe because he is inwardly appalled with the state of the Sand Castle), P.G. with consultation from Patty Kiki, completes the remainder of the bed assembly.



Meanwhile, APC has also assembled the new laundry apparatus AND removed its predecessor to the garbage pile together with the mattress, boxspring, and one of the particularly sorry-looking adirondack chairs. Charlie and Tim will vie for permanent possession of the bed, it appears.

Quick showers and off to Lamont Street Grill for a bon voyage dinner for APC. Cannot believe she's really leaving/we're not extending her visit. It was a well-timed infusion of extra help and got us through a pretty taxing week. The campaign for a June visit is underway!