April Fools...not the day, the crablets.

We had a super-great day with no shrieking, no hitting, no weird medical malady-ing, and no peeing on the floor.




April Fool!





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I have my very own conficker worms (plural): the crablets. And, yes, LLGA has joined the ranks in full. And, yes, my conficker worms were indeed activated on April 1st.

In an ongoing effort to make every burden (big and small) part of my Lenten reflections, here is a litany:



For the huge-[shell-fanny] canker sore on my tongue, making every /s/ and /t/ sound excruciating to produce and giving the CQ a slight lisp in time for a meeting with the Superintendent...
Send GMK for OTC remedies.

For Jack's tardy notice to Castle drivers/shoppers of his Science Project materiel needs...
Save the Crablet.

For GMK's cluelessness about where Building 6 at Naval Hospital is located, despite her many, many trips to said Hospital...
Grant the Crab Queen more patience (and a way of explaining directions that does not include /s/ and /t/ blends).

For Jack's Psychiatry appointment (during which GMK ratted him out for pill-hiding)...
Shield the Crablet from the wrath of his prescribing doctor -- and his adult relatives.

For Jack's wholly inaccurate reporting that he "needs a $14 ball of styrofoam" (that's out of stock at Michael's)...
Save the Crablet (while the CQ writes the Science teacher that he'll be turning it in after Spring Break for 1/2 credit).

For Jack's broken AT device (portable word processor)...
Intercede with the District OT who thinks "just charge it longer" is a solution to its habitual crashing.

For Jack's poor grade in Advisory...
Save the Crablet by having him WRITE IN HIS PLANNER.

For the silly clerks who told me that I couldn't come to the Superintendent's meeting with LLGA...
Grant the CQ patience that is normally in reserve for use with GMK.

For the silly clerk who insisted that I nurse LLGA in a special (and wholly inconvenient and musty and distracting) nursing mother's room that required traversing hill and dale and photo copiers and legions of clerks...
Grant the CQ the last drops of patience and requisition some more on back/order.

For the Crab Queen, who despite nursing fiasco and extraordinary efforts required to render LLGA napping precisely by 10 a.m., was seated with slumbering baby only to sit 12 minutes with 30 other folks and only to have an assistant superintendent pop into the conference room to say with a capital-h tone in the first word, "He is on the move, coming down the other hall and will be here in a minute or two."...
Help the CQ's eyes to eventually return from the top inside of her skull to their normal location. (Help the Director of Student Services forget CQ's Superior Eye-rolling Skills before tonight's Public Forum).

For the Superintendent, who invited a representative of special education to a meeting to discuss spending Federal Stimulus dollars on Title I programs (which ought to include serving students with disabilities) and then looking perplexed when I gave input about including the needs of students with disabilities when spending said dollars...
Let him (small /h/) make wise decisions -- at least about who to invite to his next brainscratching meeting.

For Timothy, who had dirty PE clothes to add to the mix as well as a wretched mood and log of "moderate day" (earning one Oreo (TM) and keeping that wretched mood intact into the evening hours)...
Save your Crablet and his disintegrating PE clothes.

For Jamie's harness going off at the most inopportune times (including 5 events during baseball practice), for Jamie having a Minimum Day and talking incessantly upon his arrival home, for Jamie's harness that is down to only 2 sets of "buttons" (electrodes?) to cover 8 more days, and for Jamie's NASTY pink-eye-looking eyes (for which there is no appointment available and which are potentially going to "spread like wildfire through the family")...
Spare the Crablet and the call center folks of PDS Heart, Inc.

For the District site (school of residence) that thinks that Timothy can only be offered elective courses in Engineering and Computers...
For the District site (in feeder pattern of his current District school of attendance) that thinks Timothy can only be served in Drama...
Don't make me call your boss. (Too late).

For both Hondas choosing this day to be on fumes...
Sigh.

For the love of a softshell, please let our nation's First Couple cease and desist the giving of techno-gifts to world leaders and long-time allies. I live in a crumbling sand castle and giving the Queen of England an iPod would not have crossed even my crabby mind...
Grant creativity and class. ("If you can find it on the shelf at Wal-Mart, it's probably not going to represent").

For the adult drivers to make 4 trips out of the house between 4 and 6 p.m. in order to shuttle J-crabs to practice, to warm-up for a game, from practice, and to watch the game...
Sigh.

For LLGA, who chose to have a diaper blow-out on GMK's Watch...
Help all the castle inhabitants, and additionally and most especially, the Diaper Manufacturers of America. (While we're on this subject, let us dearly hope that industry is recession-resistant or I'm in a real world of hurt).

For Tim, who had a toe injury that turned into toe-nail clipping (wherein he pummeled the in-home therapists rather than the usual and customary target of his toe-nail clipping wrath) followed by a toe cleaning and bandaging...
Save the toe. (okay, that was melodramatic).

For Charlie's random and unusually aggressive tantrum which begat a peeing-on-the-carpet in front of me...
Render the carpet freshened and, we beseech, make today a better day.

Little Crawlette - Updated, Installment 2

Pretty similar speed and gait to the leopard tortoise, truth be told.

Little Crawlette - Updated, Installment 1

Impressive view of her "hamhocks"...

Little Miss Laundry Basket

"Helping" on March 31st (age: 7 months).

Catching-up: Tuesday, 3/31

GMK and I reverted to a decidedly less-flashy existence than the one enjoyed during the "Grand Tour". We were slightly down-in-the-dumps from not having festive restaurant outings planned and the Maloney Girls around to distract us from the Care, Feeding, and Chauffeuring of Crablets.

But the ever-cute Charlie-boy was able to go to school *

I did a responsible task and called the doctor to arrange for a PT referral for Jamie, especially after his quad injury from Monday night's game. (He's long overdue for some real Physical Therapy).

For excitement, GMK suggested we introduce LLGA to squash.



"Lucy, Squash. Squash, Lucy."


We did something completely zany and went to Picture People to retrieve a new copy (without weird white spot on my hair) of one portrait. Then to Target in Mission Valley, where things went south. No Goose Island, no saline packets (for sinus rinse, SW), and no Bourbon Chicken. So off we sped to Target in Kearny Mesa. (Did I mention the Target in the Valley also lacked a Starbuck's?) Life was better where I could find what I wanted in stock and where the salted carmel signature hot chocolate was both salty and delicious.

Home to meet Charlie and put LLGA in a dress that I'd been given by neighbor Patty Julie (Biever) back in 1996(!) and held onto all these many years.

GMK tackled the overflowing laundry room while LLGA attacked the laundry basket with an enthusiasm not found in the adult population:



Our mellow existence was ruined by a phone call from SD Unified Bus Transportation, informing me that they'd failed to deliver Tim to his rec program on time and there was no one to meet him. "Bring him home." I sang in a Les Miserables baritone and then proceeded to leave not one, not two, not three, but FOUR no-nonsense voice-mails for various schedulers, supervisors, and Tim's case manager. Hell hath no fury like a Crab Queen facing Idiot Transportation Arrangements. [Someone had redone his delivery time to 3:15, when the program vans leave for community outings each day by 3 p.m., insuring that Tim would NEVER make it on time]. I think we've got it fixed but not without my blood pressure having to hit solidly average to high-average levels. Only Thursday (tomorrow) will tell...

Then we shuttled Jack to baseball practice and then the J-crabs to CCD.

Definitely, definitely NOT the Stuff of a Grand Tour.


* Speaking of school, Charlie's report card was grim. Below Basic in everything except "arts", where he was "Basic". Teacher noted that absences impede his progress. Really?!

The Grand Tour: "The Departure" on Monday, 3/30 (and Other Items)

I awoke to an e-mail from Dell informing me that they did not recognize my royal status and would be delaying my new computer by ANOTHER week. (To a month from the order date).

After taking my frustrations out on a representative from their overseas customer service center and finding it a wholly unsatisfying encounter, I had her transfer me to the team that sold me the back-ordered system. Chris got reamed with a no-breathing-required airing of grievances and is currently putting in a request to expedite my system. We'll see...I could've bought an off-the-shelf Dell from Costco weeks ago.

GMK and I went to the airport to spend the last minutes before their "freedom searches" with APT and Grandma and assist in the surveil of the TSA security line. And eat in the food court. Other than a rascally 6 oz. bottle of Oil of Olay that Grandma kept in her carry-on, there was little drama.



A lovely visit come to an end and GMK looked a little like she'd not mind being a stowaway. Instead, we trudged back to the van and headed to our second-favorite vacation destination: The Naval Hospital.

Lucy was pronounced free of wheezing while GMK snagged meds for Tim. We headed to Krispy Kreme so as to bring our traditional 2-dozen original glazed doughnuts to Jack's Troop's Court of Honor.

Then home to put the finishing touches on an Invocation and Benediction for Jack (aka, "Chaplain's Assistant").

Jamie had a Little League game ... they lost.

Jack did well in his public speaking and received a certificate for reaching 25 service hours AND his long-awaited Swimming Merit Badge.

The Grand Tour: Sunday, 3/29

LLGA and Charlie-boy hacked much of the night...such that I gave up the notion of rest and showered at 4 a.m. Then I tried to snatch a few seconds of rest and kept pushing back the snooze button (er, if the snooze button was a kitchen oven timer) until 6:38 A.M. -- LATE!

It was a little slice of chaos getting everyone up, fed, medicated, slathered in sunscreen, clothed, and marching in the same direction by 8:30 A.M. It was certainly *not* quiet and orderly.

Tim's companion arrived promptly at 8:30 and agreed to take him to Mass and brunch. (They ended up eating at Denny's and walking along the boardwalk for about an hour after brunch).

Meanwhile, the rest of us were hurtling up the I-15 to the Wild Animal Park.
Charlie was totally excited about "going on a safari", although there was a lot of fretting by GMK about whether his bucket hat would be sacrificed to the water gods (as occurred on his Sea World adventure with the Combat Crab this December).


We -- as a group of 10 -- were EARLY. Read it, Know it, Be Impressed About it.

This earliness left us time to wander and take random photographs. Some even went into a nearby aviary.







We met our tour guide and were whisked out to the parking lot (to Charlie's momentary consternation...what about the safari?) as Jack said in his trademark stage-whisper, "Mom, this is so cool...it's like we're RICH!"

We climbed aboard a canopied "stretch-limo" golf cart.



The J-crabs could hardly contain their excitement at the opportunity to sit in the rear, backward-facing seat.



They proceeded to call the cart the "party bus". At one point, they channeled their inner Darrin, and exclaimed "Raise the roof, bring in the disco ball, let's get this party bus started". Another proud moment for Ma Crab. Better yet, about 2 hours into the tour, Jack mentioned that "Technically speaking, it isn't a party without me." "It all becomes clear now," I thought.

We were treated to behind-the-scenes of the African elephant exhibit, and saw the 2-week-old from a unique vantage point with no elbowing of other visitors required.
Above, Jamie (orange knapsack) and Charlie peek at the elephant -- before we circled around and got to see "Moose", a young bull, begging for attention.

J-crabs with their Great-Grandma Mary and Grandma Mary Kay (who's pretty great to them, too).

We toured the okapi quarters and got within a couple of feet from this magnificent and gentle creature. (CQ couldn't manage LLGA, C-boy, and the camera -- hopefully, APT got a couple snapshots). We had a personalized driving tour of the large exhibits with the opportunity to ask questions throughout.






And we got to meet a couple "animal ambassadors" -- a desert/leopard tortoise and a bearded dragon/lizard.




Note LLGA's proximity to them.

Here are the J-crabs sitting on the "embassy" bench.
Oh, and touch them. Charlie, too. And Lucy looked like she'd like to touch, too!

Doesn't Lucy look just as entranced as the big guys?

Truly, a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for the crablets.

Btw, Charlie was so darn cute. He wore a pair of binoculars and would look through them appropriately (and then lick them, completely inappropriately) and he had a park map rolled and stuck into his shorts pocket that he would refer to as he said, "Let's drive!"
Charlie even grabbed the camera to take a picture of one of the animal ambassadors. Best of all, there were plentiful steel animals (i.e., heavy equipment).

Habitat: Parking Lot.


Habitat: Elephant Enclosure.


Habitat: "Behind-the-Scenes".

The Crab Queen was intrigued by another type of transport: the Segway (segue) Tour.



A photo of She Who Made the VIP Tour Possible:
Great idea spectacularly executed. Thank you, APT!

One notable aspect for what did NOT occur: Charlie wore a bucket-hat into the park and wore a bucket-hat out of the park, despite the numerous water bodies we happened upon.

Having held the 23 pound, 8.6 ounce girl and corralled the 48 pound boy for several hours -- not to mention needing to relieve the babysitter, the 2 youngest crablets and I departed the park for home.
CQ Note: With this type of daily upper-body work-out, I remain utterly perplexed that my arms are not toned and taut.

Another notable aspect for what did NOT occur: Mercifully, LLGA did not engage in her latest favorite activity (one not endorsed by Parker or Lola, baby's favorite activity buddies allegedly): howling in the car seat. Miracle of miracles.

Spent a couple of hours recuperating and restoring the house from the frenzy of our departure and, alert the media, burning a CD of the trip's photos for APT. (Combat Crab, be afraid, very afraid that I am overcoming my Mac-phobia). Our evening sitter arrived at 4:30 and GMK, APT, Grandma, and the J-crabs pulled in at 5 p.m. Yes, officially, my almost-90-y-o grandmother has WAY more energy than the Crab Queen! GMK had breathlessly reported from the gorilla exhibit to report that "Jack is only a couple of inches shorter than the Lowlands gorilla!" which offered a veritable cornucopia of retorts, which I assure you were verbalized.

We had another tasty Rubio's dinner, after much deliberation and a game of Spite & Malice in which Grandma Mary allowed Jamie to crush her in order to renew his spirits and "let him think he CAN win or he won't want to play again." GMK's brow was furrowed by this concept. (This line of thinking extends from Grandma's dispirited approach to the idea of Boggle with APT).